The Fool of the Fortnight award has to go to the folks who arrange and carry out promotional events for the Colorado Rockies. At a game sometime in June, the Rockies gave out pewter key chains to people who attended the game with a little fob on the chain that had the Rockies logo on it. Well, it seems that the pewter leeches a bit of lead - surprise, surprise - and it tends to do that when kids put the chain/fob in their mouth. Can anyone spell R E C A L L ??? It does not take a Nobel Laureate to think that one through.

The NCAA mavens - who are only 8-5 to be able to figure a way out of a pay toilet without getting wet - have proposed a study to develop recommendations for changing the governance of college football. The commissioners of the major conferences - the ones that all send multiple teams to bowl games every year and the ones that draw the ratings on TV that brings in the ad revenues - have rather directly and unequivocally told the NCAA to "butt out." Here is another potential contest where picking a side to align oneself with will be very difficult. It is sort of like selecting your mode of execution.

The Ivy League football overseers have decided that Brown University football staff members have improperly manipulated the financial-aid guidelines; and, therefore, Brown will not be eligible to be the Ivy League champion next year. Anywhere else, this would be called improper payments to scholarship student-athletes; but we know that Ivy League schools don't have scholarships for their student-athletes. Just like they don't have different admission standards... That is where the analogy seems to break down.

You all remember Kevin Mitchell of baseball fame. He was the guy who won an MVP award and was traded away from his team because he was "difficult to get along with." I don't recall all the details, but I remember that he was involved in some incident where his parents were evicted for not making payments on a residence that he held the note on or had guaranteed or something like that. Well, Kevin seems to stayed true to his school. He has been suspended from the Western League for the rest of the season because in the midst of an on-field brawl, the owner of the other team rushed onto the field - ostensibly to be a peacemaker - and Kevin attacked him. You could make Kevin a close second in the Fool of the Fortnight competition but that would not be fair because in any given fortnight, Kevin would rarely finish less than third. You could also throw this team owner into the Fool of the Fortnight mix. Somehow I can't see even Jingleberry Jerry Jones wading into a melee on the field. What the hell was this guy thinking?

Tiger Woods is in real trouble now. He went to Canada to film a commercial for Buick that ties into Buick's sponsorship of the Olympics and thereby did not honor the Screen Actors Guild strike against the makers of TV commercials. Normally, I would think that any act that reduces the number of commercials on TV has to be a good one, but the Guild will now summon Tiger Woods before a hearing in some kind of "Union Tribunal" to see what punishment he may deserve. It could include his being expelled from the Guild. I'll bet that worries the hell out of him. I wonder if the Guild Mavens have figured out that their typical member is someone who is waiting on tables or working in a flower shop at close to minimum wages to put food on the table between their commercial gigs in the faint hope that they will ever get an on-screen job that pays in the mid-five-figures. Tiger Woods is estimated to earn over $40M this year; his face is on TV more during golf tournaments than most members will have their face on TV in four lifetimes.

Memo to Screen Actors Guild: This guy is much more important to you as a member than as an "independent". Tell your righteously indignant members to go back to their training and always remember to ask if the customer wants fries with his burger.

A boxing match appears to have been signed between Mike Tyson and Andrew Gullotta. The ear-biter against the guy who looks for an opening to land a "south-of-the-border" uppercut. I've said for several years now that boxing is becoming more and more like pro rassling and here is a perfect example. Now all they need to do is arrange for a guest referee. Who might it be? Judge Judy??

Carl Everett and Jimy Williams had a verbal donnybrook in the Red Sox clubhouse just as Carl was coming back from his suspension. Everett is so out of control here that he needs to play this very carefully. Two more strategic tantrums at the right time and with the right ambiance and he will be the guest referee for the Tyson/Gullotta match. The final straw will be when he storms into Judge Judy's courtroom and pile drives her into the bench. Then he kicks the bailiff in the crotch, flips the bird to the camera and he has his next gig...

Will Clark has been delivering the long ball for the Cardinals since arriving last week. Clark was never known for diplomacy but he was quoted over the weekend in a way that just has to make Peter Asbestos a happy camper:

"You know when you run out there and play for the Cardinals that something is on the line, and when I was in Baltimore, nothing was on the line at all."

Let me say this simply. A horse race with six entrants is usually only a marginal betting race; any race with five or less is a "betting race" only by some fluke. When Laurel has six races on a Sunday with six or fewer entrants, that means that over half their races are uninteresting for wagering and so only minimal "investments' are made. They have to card fields with more horses and the only way to do that is to offer fewer races so trainers have to put horses in them. Currently, trainers are scratching out horses to keep fields short since the first four finishers get a piece of the purse. If trainers don't have LOTS of other races of the same type to enter their animals into, they will keep their horses in your fuller fields. This is not rocket science people.

In MLB, the Phillies have waived Rico Brogna and traded Mickey Morandini to the Blue Jays in what has to be an attempt to create a 25 man roster where every player is still working on his second razor blade. The Phillies do not need a traveling secretary on road trips; they need a chaperone.

The Reds signed a kid who struck out 25 batters in an independent league in Ontario. He is now in the A level in the Red's farm system. I don't care what the level of competition is, that is an amazing achievement.

In NBA personnel shufflings, Brian Grant has refused to do a "sign and trade" contract with Portland where he would wind up in Cleveland and Shawn Kemp would go to Portland. It is still mysterious to me why Portland wants Shawn Kemp; ever since the strike when his weight ballooned, he has not been able to shed the lard and his game is about a quarter of what it used to be. He has had two years to get his butt down to a size where advertisers do not call to inquire about billboard space.

Jerry West is reported to be leaving the Lakers to "smell the roses." There was a rumor a year ago that re-surfaced again that he wanted out of his contract with the Lakers and particularly his "non-compete clause" because he was going to go to the Clippers as GM and overseer of all basketball stuff. Laker owner, Jerry Buss, reportedly said no. I have trouble believing this since West is smart enough to know that his success was fueled by Buss' willingness to spread some money around and that is simply not the case with the Clippers. There is a famous - or infamous - Clipper incident where the trainer as fired for some impropriety near the end of a season and rather than hire a new one, the owner decided to save some money. The coach and the assistant coach taped the players. Jerry West in that environment? I don't think he lasts there very long.

Kendall Gill will sign with the Lakers for the minimum cap exemption of $2.2M instead of taking a deal from the Nets that would be worth about $4M a year for several years. As Arte Johnson used to say, "verrrry interesting."

Pre-season NFL games are really about one thing. Don't get anyone hurt who you had even an inkling would play during the regular season. The Saints lost three players in their first game and in the next one they got even more unlucky. LB Charles Clemons had gone through his stretching/warm-ups prior to the game and was beginning to do the sprints and backpedaling drills when he fell to the ground and had to be carted off the field with a partial tear of his Achilles tendon. Prognosis is still undetermined, but best case seems to be that he will be out 4-8 weeks and worst case is surgery and out for the year.

Dallas and Atlanta played in Tokyo and both teams where smart enough to keep their key running backs who had injury problems last year on the bench. Unfortunately, that was known to the ticket buying public before the game and the very large stadium there which seats about 85,000 was very empty. The reported attendance was 42,000 meaning the place was half full. From the camera angles on ESPN, I think that is a very generous estimate. It looked to me like it was about one-third full. Atlanta won; so what?

The Cardinals have a grievance against them filed by Eric Swann for $3.6M which is the amount of money he would have made in Arizona this year. He claims he was injured and was released while injured and that is not allowed and so he should get the money. Problem is that Eric Swann is always injured; this would make him a Velcro player; you could never get him off your roster.

In other action, Ron Dane had 17 carries for 48 yards against the Bears. Ron said he "still has room to improve". At least he got that right. The Bears had QB Jim Miller hurt his right arm/shoulder which probably means that Cade McNown will be the starter for a while there. Neither of these guys is a star, so the Bears really do need both of them so that when one is really stinking out the joint, the other can come in and try to do less worse.

Remember how the Patriots ran at will against the 49ers a week ago. Well against the Lions the Pats ran the ball 23 times for 81 yards but that is misleading because of scrambles by Michael Bishop. In real running plays the stats are 21 tries for 59 yards. Either the 49ers defense is really horrible or the Lions defense is super. I'm leaning toward the 49ers defense being terrible.

The Jets passed for over 300 yards and averaged 4 yards per rush and scored 24 points and lost comfortably to the Packers. Unless the Jets starting defense was held out for three full quarters, this does not bode well!

The Viking coaching staff can exhale now; it does not appear that Randy Moss has a shoulder injury of any consequence. But the way he landed and the way his arm was hanging after the play had to make them see their careers flash before their eyes.

The Eagles showed exactly no ability to run the ball in their game with the Ravens. Yes, the Ravens have a very good defense; no, the Eagles never did find a way to make a running play have a prayer of being broken for a big play. If Donovan McNabb is going to be successful - and part of that is that he is not broken into multiple pieces by a pass rush that has him in the crosshairs on every play - the Eagles will have to run the ball much better than this.

LaVar Arrington made his debut in the Skins/Bucs game. Obviously, he still has a learning curve to go through regarding his assignments, but his tackling is sure and his speed and quickness are significantly apart from others on the field. He is a good one!

Finally, let me offer up some financial advice. The geniuses who run Maryland horse racing are also the ones who manage/administer/whatever the races at Colonial Downs in Virginia. Colonial Downs is a disaster in the making and putting these people in charge of making that place work is like asking the Seinfeld cast to find a solution to the Kashmir contretemps. But Colonial Downs is close to opening their season and there will be some press releases about how they hope to attract more people this year (live crowds of 1500 will be a big increase on many days!) and how they have all these new things that will make it a wonderful experience for the betting public. Then you may see that you can buy stock in the holding company for Colonial Downs at somewhere around 83 cents a share. You may think to yourself, "How low can it go?" Let me try to answer that for you. It could go to ZERO. Colonial Downs is a long shot in a race against much classier competition and it is being ridden and guided by a bad jockey. Just a thought.

But don't get me wrong, I love sports...