1. I have been smoking salmon and trout for the last couple of years and enjoying them as an hors d'oeuvre with horseradish sauce.

2. I'll put Tampa and Washington in the NFC championship game with Tampa winning. I'll put Indy and Tennessee in the AFC Championship game and have Indy winning. Then I'll take the Titans to win the big one.

The University of Maryland is getting a little heat for making its schedule look a tad on the "light side". Out of conference games this year are West Virginia, Middle Tennessee State and Temple (recognized nationally as the team you most want to play on Homecoming Day). Next year, Middle Tennessee State is too tough an opponent and will be replaced by Troy State. Coach Ron Vanderlinden defends this scheduling as just what everyone is doing. Lots of schools try to duck really tough opponents, but this takes "dumbing down" of your schedule to new depths. And the local radio promo for Maryland football emphasizes that there is no parking problem for the games.

Memo to U-Md: The reason there is no parking problem is no one goes to the games. The reason no one goes is the games stink. Are you seeing a pattern yet?

Deidra Lane was arraigned for murder of her hubby, Fred Lane, yesterday. On WTEM yesterday there was someone from a Charlotte radio station on who said that Deidra Lane had been "involved in" robbing a credit union. This gets curiouser and curiouser. Next we may learn that eyewitnesses say that she was in the vicinity of the last place that the Lindbergh baby was seen...

Stand by for a legal battle involving Danny Boy Snyder. Last year, Domino's pizza gave people discounts on pizzas the day after Redskins' games based on the number of TDs scored by the Redskins. It was the "Domino's Pizza Touchdown Take Off". Now Danny Boy has a deal with Papa John's as the "official pizza of the Redskins" and they do not want Domino's doing this deal. But Domino's says they are going to do it. Stand by. I think the solution is for these guys to have a duel; pizza sauce by the ladleful at ten paces.

The NBA Players Association has decided not to buy the CBA from Isiah Thomas. Since their position on any issue is that the owners get all the money and the players don't get squadoosh, I can't understand why they don't want to be the owners, but no one ever accused them of being logical. Now what does Isiah do as coach of the Pacers when there is a rule banning him from owning a stake in any other sports league? Please tell me why the NBA just does not buy him out since they want to create a "minor league" for kids that do not want to go to college. Here is the skeleton of a league already in place.

Do you realize that three AL teams issued nine walks in their games last night? So that means that they either miss the strike zone entirely of give up shots of gargantuan proportion. In the Yankees/Rangers game, there were a total of 16 walks!!

Once again, Coleman McCarthy assaults our consciousness on the Golf Page. His column today focuses on bad golfers who play a single hole where everything goes right and they score a par of a even a birdie. He stretches his imagination and quotes Spanish philosopher Miguel de Unamuno: "Unless you strive after the impossible, whatever possible you achieve will hardly be worth the effort."

Memo to Coleman: Take your own advice - or at lest the advice of your philosopher friend - and apply it to your writing. Strive for the impossible which would be to write something interesting. Because until you do, what you do write is not worth the effort.

But don't get me wrong, I love sports...