Sports Curmudgeon 7/6/00
 











  If you are trying to write about sports for a living - thank Heaven I am not - this is a tough time of the year. The biggest ongoing event is Wimbledon and the next biggest event is "who got screwed in the All-Star balloting?" and the only other event is the random golf tournament of the week. The screaming about the All-Star balloting is the fuel for sports radio for about 4 days while numbskulls debate the finer points of the performances of players on the home team versus those in cities far away. Of course, conspiracies only happen in cities far away and so it is an absolute miscarriage of justice unprecedented anywhere in the known universe that Mike Bordick did not start on the All-Star team because he is clearly better than Jeter and Garciaparra and Rodriguez added together.

Reflecting on the past few days of meager happenings, Ila Borders, the only woman ever to play professional baseball, has retired at age 26 from the Zion (Utah) Pioneerz. In her last game, she was the losing pitcher against the Feather River Mudcats. That is a real team and not a name that I made up! She says she is interested in going into broadcasting.

    Memo to Dennis Miller: The heat just got turned up. You better be good.
Baseball teams with pennant aspirations are frantically looking for pitching help. Scott Erickson is a name that is often mentioned but since he has been clobbered all year and is playing for a bad team, why is he so valuable? Andy Ashby has stunk out the joint in Philly, but he is making the phones ring. Curt Schilling is a bona fide ace coming back from an injury so chasing him makes sense. The one I really can't understand is Brad Radke who is below .500 for the second straight year with an ERA around 4.00. Why is that the resumé for a hot commodity?

The Red Sox are right around .500 for the season and Pedro Martinez is on the short term DL - probably getting an enforced rest or so the Sox management fervently hopes - and they are no longer in hot pursuit of the big name "rent-a-player" for the pennant drive. Have they tossed the season in? Or is Pedro hurt more than they are letting on? Because without Martinez, then have less of a chance than a Twinkie on a buffet table with Sally Struthers in line.

Stephon Marbury fired David Falk as his agent saying that Falk did not get him any big endorsement deals. Here is the problem. Marbury has all the charm and charisma of a compost pile. Next time he gets a mike stuck in his face for a comment, listen closely. David Falk or anyone else will get him $20M in endorsement deals on the same day that OJ finds the real killers.

The Green Bay Packers are hoping that lightening will strike twice. They signed Danny Wuerful after Danny was the passing leader and NFL Europe winner just as Kurt Warner was the year before. But Danny has already been in the NFL with his weak arm and lots of air under the ball. Until he shows a whole lot more at that level, he will continue to be known here as Danny Woeful.

Antoine Walker and Nazr Mohammed (Kentucky teammates and now NBA players) were robbed at gunpoint on the southside of Chicago while sitting in a car at 4:15 AM. Money and jewelry and a $55K Rolex watch were taken. They were waiting in the car for a restaurant to open. Two thoughts:

  1. Since this happened on the southside of Chicago, are the police looking for Bad Bad Leroy Brown...?

  2. Why not order room service at 0415??
Anthony Mason was arrested in New Orleans and the charges include the normal things like assault and resisting arrest and interfering with a police officer. That is pretty normal fare these days for an athlete out on the town with his posse. But Anthony has taken his game to the next level; he is also charged with "inciting to riot". I wonder who will be the first athlete to go all the way to hostage taking and outright terrorism?

Finally, the PGA has appealed to the Supreme Court of the United States in the Casey Martin matter. Can't we give this a rest? He is not getting any major advantage here because he is not winning anything and denying some "real athletic golfer" the glory and the purse money of a tournament win. Let this alone; the Supreme Court has real legal issues to deal with. And new ones are coming. A Virginia student (UVa I believe) has sued the governor of Virginia for failure to investigate alien abductions and UFOs. In his pleading to the court, he says that the outcome of this case could determine how governments all over the Earth deal with the UFO issue. Here is how I would deal with it. Stake this guy out in a deserted field and hope he gets abducted. Pin a note to him saying, "There is an extra $20 in this for you if you keep him."

But don't get me wrong, I love sports...

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