Sports Curmudgeon 9/21/00
 











  Yesterday, I had a chat with my good friend, Maude. It turns out that she is the last person remaining in an organizational unit that we "started-up" together. She is "The Survivor" but without the million dollar prize, and so she now needs to be renamed as Matriarch Maude. She is a Steeler fan, but it is important that we open our hearts to such poor folks and try to ease them through these most difficult of times. So I guess that she will not be happy to hear that the Steelers this year are suffering from Mad Cowher Disease.

Buffalo will do without the services of Jay Riemersma at TE for about 4-6 weeks due to a knee injury. They will do without the services of Antowain Smith at RB by choice and replace him with Jonathan Linton. The Bills' running game has been mediocre - make that pathetic - thusfar.

The Niners lost Junior Bryant from their DL and that is a loss that the Niners cannot hope to overcome since he is one of the few NFL quality players actually in uniform. He is diagnosed with a "neck sprain" but was immobilized on the field and taken off on a "back board" which looks very much like a "slab" to the uninitiated.

The Browns cut Orlando Brown who was the OT hit in the eye by the penalty flag thrown by referee Jeff Tripplet last season. The NFL needs to make a settlement here quickly since Orlando has already retained Johnny Cocharan and this case is so clearly a workplace injury incident that even I can see it. Remember that the NFL loses in court all the time; even Joel Hyatt and his storefront legal services firm could get a win against the NFL. I can hear it now; Johnny C. addresses the jury:

    If Orlando's eye took a bash,
    You gotta give him the cash.
The Eagles will be without their safety Brian Dawkins for about a month because he had to undergo an emergency appendectomy. That is the second of these things in the NFL in the last week; since things happen in "threes" maybe we should start a pool to see who is next… The Eagles will replace this "pro-bowl quality" player with Tim Hauck. You never heard of him? That's a surprise because he has been in the NFL for about 10 years now. Is there a message there?

Colts DB Mustafah Muhammad has been suspended for two games by the NFL after a conviction in August of spousal battery. This will weaken an already marginal Colts' defense and they play the Jags this weekend. Jax will get Fred Taylor back at RB for the game on Monday. This is a big swing!

The Redskins DT Dana Stubblefield was arrested last night on charges of "domestic abuse" and has been released on his own recognizance. If they called me as a witness in this case, I would have to say that for the last three years, I have seen precious little in the way of aggressive behavior on Stubby's part.

The Redskins released their kicker Brett Conway because he continues to have tightness in his quadriceps muscle and will go with the kicker they brought in last week, Michael "Como Esta" Hustead.

The Minnesota Timberwolves are close to taking one of the most significant hits that a sports franchise ever took. It seems that they entered into a "secret handshake" deal with Joe Smith to keep him after his obligatory year with them at the free agent exception salary. Problem is that they put this secret handshake deal in writing and once a tiff erupted between Smith's agent and a former associate of the agent, this got nasty. Seriously, just how dumb is it to put some kind of under the table deal in writing and then spread copies of it around? Kevin McHale may be suspended or fired over this; the Wolves could get fined something in the neighborhood of $5M; it is likely they will forfeit at least one if not a couple of draft choices; and of course Smith will become a free agent again and not be able to re-signed by the Wolves. What the hell were these people thinking? This is Joe Smith, not Michael Jordan. If you go to any NBA training camp there is a Joe Smith there and chances are you can sign him up as soon as the team cuts down to the 12 man roster. Puhleeez!

Jerry Stackhouse ran his mouth yesterday. When Grant Hill showed up for "voluntary workouts" in Orlando and the press asked him how he felt meeting his new teammates, Hill emoted and said that it was wonderful to be here and to have such a turnout for these "voluntary" sessions and that he was not used to that in his career. That is jockspeak to get out of an interview situation without saying something inflammatory. But Jerry Stackhouse took offense and said that there were always lots of players at the Detroit workouts and that Hill was not always there and it did not matter that Hill was gone because Stackhouse always thought he "played soft."

    Memo to Jerry: You are entitled to your opinion. But most people will take it a lot more seriously when you do something really wonderful in your NBA career. Now that you have opened up your pie-hole, you will now need to deliver some significantly improved game in the next season. I think your mouth wrote a check that your game can't cover.
Well the Patrick Ewing trade finally happened and it involved 4 teams and 12 players. Most of the players are in the trade just to make the salaries balance out for cap room purposes. But the net difference to the Sonics is interesting; they get Ewing and nothing else; they give up seven players and two second round draft picks.

Illinois State lost a football game to Northern Illinois last weekend by a score of 52-0. They now say that their playbook was leaked to the opponents by a disgruntled former assistant coach who was not invited by the coach of Illinois State to join him when he took a new job. I've always said that the best way to avoid disgruntled employees is to be sure that they never get gruntled in the first place.

Achieving a new low in youth sports is not easy; it may not be as difficult as escorting Sally Struthers away from a buffet table, but it is not easy. But we may have a winner in Jacksonville Florida where the coach of a 10 year old football team got so angry with a player for failing to catch a pass that the coach threw the player backwards through the air and as the child reached to break his fall, the kid broke both arms. The coach was charged with aggravated child abuse. Oh, by the way, when this case goes to court, the coach's lawyer will strive mightily to be sure that the jury does not learn that the coach has previously been arrested for aggravated assault on his wife. I think he belongs in Moron Hall of Fame! And it would not hurt him to spend a little time in the Crossbars Hilton either.

To presage tomorrow's mythical betting segment, this is another week with not a lot of really good games to wager on; remember what happened last time that happened! This will be a weekend of a few small wagers only. But there are a few observations on the lines themselves that are interesting.

The Redskins opened up as 2 point favorites over the Giants and are now 2 point underdogs. It is very rare for an NFL line to move four points; it is very rare for the favorite to become the underdog in an NFL line; this is very strange.

The Bucs are 7 point favorites against the Jets and the over/under is 36. When you anticipate a low scoring game, it is usually advantageous to take the points. Normally the spread in games with a total this low is in the 2.5 - 3.5 range; I can't recall a game with lines like this.

Finally, to assure that you keep up with Olympic results, in shooting they awarded medals in the "Men's Double Trap" and the US did not get any medals. Maybe that is because one of our allegedly best proponents of double trap shooting, Rae Carruth, is not in Sydney?

But don't get me wrong, I love sports...

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