Sports Curmudgeon

A couple of weeks ago, I told you about the Jets' plan to charge an annual fee to the folks on the waiting list for season tickets for the privilege of staying on the waiting list to buy season tickets. The team issued a statement that this was a way of communicating with the loyal Jets family out there and came off looking about as appealing as a bucket of rancid lard. Now the team has relented just a bit and they say that they will apply the $50 annual payments toward the purchase of future season tickets when/if the individual eventually makes it to the top of the list. So now the ticket holders-in-waiting will be giving the team an interest free loan of $50 every year until the time they actually get to buy the tickets. That stinks, but it is a better deal than they had before. As my grandfather used to say in times of minor travail, you must thank The Lord for His small favors.

Here is your aperiodic Detroit Tigers update. As of today, the Tigers are 34-102 meaning that they are winning exactly 25% of their games. They have 36 games left and if they win exactly 25% of them, they will win 9 more games. That will give them 43 wins for the season and will allow them the ignominy of breaking the futility record set by the Mets in 1962.

Oh by the way with their 34 wins so far, the Tigers have managed to roll into September this year with only 3 more wins than Denny McLain had for the team in his magical 1968 season. Denny has been in and out of jail over the years and the last time I saw him he had a physique that reminded me of what an offspring of Mama Cass and Marlon Brando might look like. Nonetheless, he might be a useful late season addition to that pitching staff. How much worse can he be?

Speaking of baseball teams on the slide, the Phillies have stunk out the joint for the last two weeks and no longer lead in the NL wild-card race. In fact, they have been so bad that they have invited about three teams back into that race. The only consolation that this team can take in this miserable stretch is that that nothing – and I mean nothing! – that they can do will equal the utter collapse that ended the 1964 season for the Phils. The 2003 version of the Detroit Tigers does not have such a luxury of history.

As the Baltimore Orioles season careens to another ignominious ending, Mike Hargrove has to have told his secretary to screen his calls carefully. I suspect that his office will be getting a lot of “prospecting” calls from moving companies and real estate firms in the next few weeks, and Hargrove would not want those calls to affect his focus.

The following line is attributed to comedian, Argus Hamilton. I don't know Argus Hamilton from his distant relative, Argyle Socks; but the line is good enough to share with you here. He was commenting on the addition of Rush Limbaugh to the ESPN show “NFL Countdown”:

“He certainly adds some intelligence to the profession. When Terry Bradshaw was in high school, he nearly froze to death at the drive-in movie waiting to see Closed for the Winter.”

Speaking of lines that are worth passing along, here are two from Scott Ostler in the San Francisco Chronicle:

“The massive power-grid meltdowns in New York and London have been traced to attempts to hook up Dave Bliss to a lie-detector machine.”

“With Mars closer to Earth than it has been in 60,000 years, this would be a good time for Romanowski to use that return ticket.”

In the wake of the Pacers firing Isaiah Thomas, Jermaine O'Neal said that the Pacers “deceived him” and that if he knew Thomas was not going to be the coach he would never have re-signed with the Pacers. Excuse me, but he signed a deal worth a total of $126M. It starts out next season at a tad over $13M and continues through the 2009/10 season when he will make just under $23M. Now, I am supposed to believe that the lynchpin in this maxed-out deal was that Isaiah Thomas would be staying on as the coach for the next seven years?

Memo to Jermaine:

The jury in the lawsuit by the Raiders against the city of Oakland returned a verdict that said that the city had deceived the team accidentally and so they did not award the Raiders the $1.1 Billion that was sought. Instead, Al Davis will be $34 Million richer as a result of this action and he will now look for a way to leverage that money against a way to relocate his team. In the past, all he looked for was a place that would pay some nice upfront money and provide a stadium; now he must also be looking for a place that might actually deceive him about the deal they are offering so that he can file another lawsuit.

There is a report in the Chicago papers that the Bulls are considering male cheerleaders who are – how to put this in PC terms? – gravitationally enhanced. The team press release says they are looking for men who have been nicknamed “ 'Tiny', 'Moose', 'Tubby', 'Lumpy' or 'Bubba'.” The ideal candidate will “enjoy being the life of the party and … rarely, if ever, visits the health club.” Sadly, this could be a thing to gain exposure [no pun intended] on SportsCenter and that could spread this phenomenon to other places. We need an antibody for stupid ideas like this. Forget a cure for cancer; where is the medical research community when we really need them.

According to the Dallas Morning News, Dave Bliss has applied for a volunteer position at a detention center that houses juvenile offenders. I don't understand this. I admit that I have never taken any courses in criminology and I have no familiarity with the processes by which criminals are might be rehabilitated and returned to society as functioning and contributing members. So I am flying by the seat of my pants here. But I thought the idea was for the juvenile offenders to be in touch with positive role models…

Finally, two colleges in the US have the nickname, Broncs. Seven other colleges are known as the Broncos. The University of Central Oklahoma are the Bronchos. Can you major in spelling at the University of Central Oklahoma?

But don't get me wrong, I love sports...

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		Sports Curmudgeon: 9/2/03

		A couple of weeks ago, I told you about the Jets' plan to charge an annual fee to the folks on the waiting list for season tickets for the privilege of staying on the waiting list to buy season tickets. The team issued a statement that this was a way of communicating with the loyal Jets family out there and came off looking about as appealing as a bucket of rancid lard. Now the team has relented just a bit and they say that they will apply the $50 annual payments toward the purchase of future season tickets when/if the individual eventually makes it to the top of the list. So now the ticket holders-in-waiting will be giving the team an interest free loan of $50 every year until the time they actually get to buy the tickets. That stinks, but it is a better deal than they had before. As my grandfather used to say in times of minor travail, you must thank The Lord for His small favors. Here is your aperiodic Detroit Tigers update. As of today, the Tigers are 34-102 meaning that they are winning exactly 25% of their games. They have 36 games left and if they win exactly 25% of them, they will win 9 more games. That will give them 43 wins for the season and will allow them the ignominy of breaking the futility record set by the Mets in 1962. Oh by the way with their 34 wins so far, the Tigers have managed to roll into September this year with only 3 more wins than Denny McLain had for the team in his magical 1968 season. Denny has been in and out of jail over the years and the last time I saw him he had a physique that reminded me of what an offspring of Mama Cass and Marlon Brando might look like. Nonetheless, he might be a useful late season addition to that pitching staff. How much worse can he be? Speaking of baseball teams on the slide, the Phillies have stunk out the joint for the last two weeks and no longer lead in the NL wild-card race. In fact, they have been so bad that they have invited about three teams back into that race. The only consolation that this team can take in this miserable stretch is that that nothing – and I mean nothing! – that they can do will equal the utter collapse that ended the 1964 season for the Phils. The 2003 version of the Detroit Tigers does not have such a luxury of history. As the Baltimore Orioles season careens to another ignominious ending, Mike Hargrove has to have told his secretary to screen his calls carefully. I suspect that his office will be getting a lot of “prospecting” calls from moving companies and real estate firms in the next few weeks, and Hargrove would not want those calls to affect his focus. The following line is attributed to comedian, Argus Hamilton. I don't know Argus Hamilton from his distant relative, Argyle Socks; but the line is good enough to share with you here. He was commenting on the addition of Rush Limbaugh to the ESPN show “NFL Countdown”: “He certainly adds some intelligence to the profession. When Terry Bradshaw was in high school, he nearly froze to death at the drive-in movie waiting to see Closed for the Winter.” Speaking of lines that are worth passing along, here are two from Scott Ostler in the San Francisco Chronicle: “The massive power-grid meltdowns in New York and London have been traced to attempts to hook up Dave Bliss to a lie-detector machine.” “With Mars closer to Earth than it has been in 60,000 years, this would be a good time for Romanowski to use that return ticket.” In the wake of the Pacers firing Isaiah Thomas, Jermaine O'Neal said that the Pacers “deceived him” and that if he knew Thomas was not going to be the coach he would never have re-signed with the Pacers. Excuse me, but he signed a deal worth a total of $126M. It starts out next season at a tad over $13M and continues through the 2009/10 season when he will make just under $23M. Now, I am supposed to believe that the lynchpin in this maxed-out deal was that Isaiah Thomas would be staying on as the coach for the next seven years? Memo to Jermaine: When Thomas gets his next gig with a floundering team like the Hawks or the Warriors, I'll be waiting to see how fast your agent works out a trade for you. Be careful what you wish for… The jury in the lawsuit by the Raiders against the city of Oakland returned a verdict that said that the city had deceived the team accidentally and so they did not award the Raiders the $1.1 Billion that was sought. Instead, Al Davis will be $34 Million richer as a result of this action and he will now look for a way to leverage that money against a way to relocate his team. In the past, all he looked for was a place that would pay some nice upfront money and provide a stadium; now he must also be looking for a place that might actually deceive him about the deal they are offering so that he can file another lawsuit. There is a report in the Chicago papers that the Bulls are considering male cheerleaders who are – how to put this in PC terms? – gravitationally enhanced. The team press release says they are looking for men who have been nicknamed “ 'Tiny', 'Moose', 'Tubby', 'Lumpy' or 'Bubba'.” The ideal candidate will “enjoy being the life of the party and … rarely, if ever, visits the health club.” Sadly, this could be a thing to gain exposure [no pun intended] on SportsCenter and that could spread this phenomenon to other places. We need an antibody for stupid ideas like this. Forget a cure for cancer; where is the medical research community when we really need them. According to the Dallas Morning News, Dave Bliss has applied for a volunteer position at a detention center that houses juvenile offenders. I don't understand this. I admit that I have never taken any courses in criminology and I have no familiarity with the processes by which criminals are might be rehabilitated and returned to society as functioning and contributing members. So I am flying by the seat of my pants here. But I thought the idea was for the juvenile offenders to be in touch with positive role models… Finally, two colleges in the US have the nickname, Broncs. Seven other colleges are known as the Broncos. The University of Central Oklahoma are the Bronchos. Can you major in spelling at the University of Central Oklahoma? But don't get me wrong, I love sports... << Back to the September Archives = Home = Recent = Topical = Wagers = = Archives = Pros = Scores = Contact =