I tried to watch the pre-game concert last night; I really did. But I could not make it past about 5 minutes. I understand that I am a dinosaur and that I am horribly out of touch with what masquerades as entertainment today; I'll even plead guilty to both of those charges. But NFL football is the top of the sports food chain by a mile in the US; you can debate what is second and what is third, but if you added together the interest and the buzz involved with numbers 2 and 3, they would not eclipse the NFL. So why does the league feel the need to do anything other than just to play the damned games?

I did hear Aretha Franklin sing the National Anthem, and I did enjoy her rendition - even though I would have preferred her to pick up the pace a bit. But I have to admit that for a moment I thought it was Reuben Studdard in drag…

I did hear Rush Limbaugh's silly essay on the meaning and value and place of football in our culture. I'll withhold judgment on his ability to contribute anything meaningful to the ESPN studio show for a while but the start was inauspicious. Recognizing that the ESPN studio show is about football and not about any issue of cosmic import, I'll set an over/under line for how long it will take for Rush to say something that is either profound or counter-intuitive about the subject of football. The line is Ten Weeks. I'll take OVER.

The following item was reported in Sports Illustrated. A Chinese woman spent 7 weeks working 13-hour days to stand up 303,621 dominoes. After all that, she knocked them over in four minutes and thereby “shattered” the existing world record for domino toppling by more than 40,000 dominoes. I have a few rhetorical questions:

With that record of work stamina, will Nike hire her to make shoes?

Why is this in Sports Illustrated?

Did Arthur Andersen count the dominoes?

Is there a world record for “longest attention span”?

There are stories about how the San Diego Chargers are maneuvering around to be able to break their stadium lease in San Diego and move the team to LA. There are stories about how the Raiders will move south again – and not only in the standings. There are stories about how Red McCombs really wants to move the Vikings to LA and is happy to see that there is a “stadium impasse” in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area. I have another story for you and this one has some data included.

The Indianapolis Colts have sold less than 40,000 season tickets for the second consecutive year. At their home exhibition game this year – where the gate is important because it goes into the owners' pockets and there is no huge TV revenue – the crowd was less than 30,000 people. Given the way the Colts departed Baltimore and arrived in Indianapolis, I would suggest that the locals monitor carefully the reservations for moving vans in the state rather closely. The Chargers have guaranteed sell-outs provided by the city as part of their lease; the Raiders can always sue somebody to generate some added revenues; the Vikings' stadium may not be new, but it is certainly not empty. But the Colts…

Clifford Robinson was traded from the Pistons to the Warriors in a three-player deal about a week ago. Robinson has been in the league for 14 years and has been on a playoff team in every one of those seasons. Unless he gets traded again, that streak is about to come to a screeching halt.

Dennis Rodman was arrested yet again. I don't want to shock you too much, but I do have to tell you that alcohol was involved. Rodman was observed at his dock trying to untie his boat and fell down in the process. He says he tripped while walking backwards; police say he was plastered. Dennis has been out of the news for a while now and so I guess it was time for him to resurface.

Here is a quote attributed to Broncos' DT, Darius Holland. It is such a malapropism that I would not be surprised to learn that it has been misattributed and that the real “author” is Dan Quayle:

“People look at me like I'm an idiot because of what I do. There's that astigmatism about football players.”

On the other hand, here is a quote attributed to Vikings' DT, Chris Hovan. It probably shows a high degree of insight and self-awareness:

“I've got long hair and tattoos. I know I'm a dumb idiot; but hey, I love me and that's all that matters.”

I am about to perform a public service and I expect everyone to consider this suggestion with an open mind. I want to end the debate and the confusion caused by the use of the designated hitter in the AL and not in the NL. I've heard the arguments for and against the DH and it seems to me that there are no new ones that are about to be forthcoming. I draw that conclusion on the basis that I have not heard any new ones in the last 10 years. So here is the solution to the problem. You don't have to thank me now but when I have gone on to my greater rewards, I would appreciate if you would remember this service to the American sporting public:

Put the DH in both leagues. Then require that whatever player is the DH also has to pitch.

Thank you. Thank you very much…

Finally, this weekend will mark the inaugural game in the newly renovated Lambeau Field. I'm begging Chris Berman not to call this the Microwaved Tundra of Lambeau Field…

But don't get me wrong, I love sports...

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