This will probably be brief and disjointed because my computer is acting strangely and I don't have access to my normal “sources of info”. I'd like to be able to blame this situation on somebody, but it is probably just the orneriness of this infernal contraption.

I will be writing sporadically for the next couple of weeks. There will be no mythical picks this week because I will be wagering for real in Las Vegas over the weekend. There will be no rant this Friday or next Monday. And then I will need to immerse myself in handicapping for the Breeders' Cup races on the following weekend. T.S. Eliot wrote that April is the cruelest month; maybe it is. But for me, October is a really great month!

I surfed between the ALCS game last night and the Falcons/Rams game. The Falcons were pathetic. That defense had all the stopping power of cheesecloth. Earlier this year – I think it was after the Falcons/Redskins game – I said that Ray Buchanan could not cover a corpse. I continue to maintain that opinion but I think it is now time to give the entire Falcons' secondary a nickname. After all, the various units on football teams seek to reach a level of achievement that earns them a nickname in the media and in the minds of the public. Even now we remember The Fearsome Foursome, The Steel Curtain, The Fun Bunch, and Gang Green. So I propose that the Falcons' secondary hereinafter be known as the G-Strings because they don't cover much at all.

Speaking of the ALCS, I thought the game over the weekend with all the fighting and posturing was ridiculous.

Of course Pedro Martinez meant to throw the ball exactly where he threw it. When he misses the outside corner of the plate by 3 inches on an 0-2 count, that is exactly where he wants to throw it. He does not miss by much when he throws a baseball.

Of course people overreacted to the melee. Poor Don Zimmer was portrayed as having had his life in jeopardy when thrown to the ground because he has metal plates in his head from two prior beanball incidents. If so, why did it take an hour or so for him to need to be loaded into an ambulance? And what the hell was he doing on the field?

Of course Mayor Bloomberg upheld the honor of politicians everywhere and said something stupid. He said that if this happened in the Bronx, Pedro Martinez would have been arrested. Good for you Mr. Mayor. Maybe in the light of one of your lucid moments you can use that statement to understand why there are “crime problems” in the Bronx; your police are focusing on minor incidents and not the big stuff.

Of course no one ventured into the potentially politically incorrect realm to observe that Don Zimmer's charge toward Pedro Martinez looked like the bull charging in a bullfight and that Pedro did his Manolete routine on El Toro. Come to think of it, Zimmer would need about 8 hours in make-up to look as good as a bull.

Last week, I said that Mike Tyson's bankruptcy filings showed that he was spending $18K a month on clothing and I suggested that for that price he should be getting dry cleaning too. Not so!! An alert reader found some data at a website called TheSmokingGun.com and pointed out to me that Tyson claims his clothing expenses are $18,580.18 per month and that laundry and dry cleaning charges are listed separately at $660.22 per month. All I can say is that if I spent $18K per month on clothing, I'd never wash anything. I'd just throw stuff out after wearing it once because if I washed and kept clothes and kept buying at that rate, I'd need a barn to store just to store the clothing…

According to a note in the Chicago Sun-Times, Manute Bol will make an appearance as a jockey at Hoosier Park. He already did a boxing exhibition; he did an appearance as a hockey player; now he is going to be a “jockey” and hope that he feet don't drag when he is on the horse. Does he need the money that badly that he would continue to involve himself in these circus exhibitions. Here's an idea:

Bol is a Dinka tribesman and in his days with the Bullets – now Wizards – there was the story that he had hunted lions in Africa as part of his tribal upbringing. We heard that story only a few times fewer than we heard announcers refer to Bol as the “Dinka Dunker”. If the lion-hunting story is true, then he is familiar with large felines and there is this guy named Siegfried who is looking for someone to help out…

By the way, if Manute is not up for this gig, maybe Siegfried can hire that goof from NYC who was keeping the tiger and alligator in his apartment. That guy claims to be a brother to tigers. Sounds like a possibility to me…

In a stunning role reversal, Al Davis will be the defendant in a lawsuit in the SF area. Davis is not the owner of the Raiders; he is technically the managing general partner of a partnership that owns the team. The second largest partner seeking to oust him from his role with the team is now suing him and the suit alleges that Davis is guilty of fraud and misappropriation of Raiders' assets. These plaintiffs have been with the partnership since the early 60s and the days of the old AFL. The law firm that represents Davis is probably holding a massive party this weekend because they did not have to dream up some action on their own to continue to have billable hours from Davis; this one just fell into their laps.

Finally, I mentioned Siegfried and Roy earlier on. Roy's injury and hospitalization puts their longstanding act with the white tigers in serious jeopardy but there is potentially a second wave of economic difficulty here. Economists look carefully every month at the number of people who file unemployment claims for the first time; it is an important economic indicator and it is also a measure of the human tragedy of a person being newly out of work. There will probably be a new filing in the Las Vegas area this month. I suspect that the Mirage will have to let go the guy whose job it was to run in three times a day and separate Siegfried and Roy with a pry bar.

But don't get me wrong, I love sports...

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