Sports Curmudgeon 7/11/00
 











  The first topic of the day has to be an off the field item. There was a hockey practice for a kids' team and two parents got into an argument over whether or not one of the kids was playing too roughly and was likely to hurt someone else. The words escalated; the parents got into a fight; one of the "chronological adults" here managed to kill the other one by slamming his head into the ground multiple times. This genius now faces manslaughter charges. As someone who refereed kids basketball for years and years and - you get the point, it is always the adults that make the games less fun. And at that level, parents often forget an important part of why there are kids' leagues and so I'll remind them here:
    It's a game. It's about learning to play the game. It's about having fun.

    It's not about you living your life vicariously through your kid.

Thank Heaven Wimbledon is over; they were running stories about this on the front page of the Washington Post for most of last week. And there were no compelling stories in the tournament because most tennis tournaments are less interesting than cheese mold. But the tennis mavens are trying to put themselves front and center in the Pantheon of stupid sports authorities. They just disqualified and rescinded the purse money from one of the women who won the doubles at the Australian Open because she tested positive for - hold you breath here - caffeine. Puhleeez!!
    Memo to Tennis Mavens: You can kiss good bye any hope of tournament sponsorship from Coke or Starbucks.
The Concord NH NASCAR track claimed its second racing victim of the year last weekend when Kenny Irvin crashed into the same wall in about the same place that Adam Petty crashed a few months ago. This was also the place where fans were "endangered" because a walkway made of sub-standard concrete and re-bar collapsed. Maybe there could be a thorough inspection of this place before another event is held here? Are these drivers smart enough to find some other thing to do on the weekend of the next race there?

Barry Sanders has repaid the Lions almost $2M of his signing bonus based on an arbitrator's ruling. Some people feel this is a way for him to force himself into being traded or made a free agent. That may happen, but I really think that what it means is that he is now worth about $2M less than he was a week ago. I don't see the Lions doing him any favors after the rude way he treated them during the past year.

In NFL rookie news, I am beginning to get the faint smell of a "Meathead in the Making". Ron Dayne missed all four the mandatory sessions that the NFL puts on for rookies to help them adjust to NFL life. He says he had a cold and got a doctor's note. Now Univ of Wisconsin says that they have uncovered some "irregularities" in their football and basketball programs and some players may not have taken all the classes they should have and maybe some did not get all the credits they needed to have at milestones along the way in their college careers. Worse than that, is that some players may have gotten some "special discounts not available to the general public" at an athletic shoe store in the great tradition of Peter Warrick. Whose name is on the list of possible miscreants? Ron Dayne. Keep this up and we will be able to assert as axiomatic:

    Dayne = Pain
Michael Irvin is supposed to retire today. A press conference has been scheduled. He is clearly a Hall of Fame player and probably a first ballot entrant. And he is showing a lot of good common sense - not so common among today's athletes - not to try to play any more and risk paralysis or even his life.

Larry Brown turned down the UNC job saying his dream is to stay in Philly and win a championship there. This comes after Roy Williams and Eddie Fogler said, "no thank you." George Karl was not permitted to interview for the job because the Bucks' owner demanded that he honor the contract he signed with the Bucks. That gets us down to Matt Doherty and Jeff Lebo who between them have exactly 1 year of coaching experience at the Division 1 National Level. Putting either of them in at UNC is like naming Danny Boy Snyder to be NFL Commissioner. Maybe he knows what he is doing, but he hasn't shown it yet.

Or is there something very wrong at UNC that is not yet revealed? And just how little do they think of Phil Ford who has been on the bench there next to El Deano and Coach Gut for about 5 or 6 years now. This guy hasn't gotten a phone call yet - except form telemarketers wanting to sign him up for a new credit card at a great introductory rate of...

In NBA news, Tim Duncan resigned with the Spurs. This is strange and I think it has to do with a bond of friendship/loyalty that exists between Duncan and David Robinson. If you look at the Spurs, they are an old team - other than Duncan - and they have one player who is playing on one kidney. If I'm right, he will sign a short term contract (3 years or so) which will probably be all the time that Robinson has left in the league. If it is a longer term deal, then look for "voidable years" in there somewhere.

Another name to watch in the "Meathead in the Making" department, Tracy McGready stepped to center stage over the weekend. After a visit to Chicago, he said that he liked the Bulls because they told him that if he played there it would be "all about me." He then punctuated this by saying that it was important that it would be "all about me" wherever he played and that was what he wanted to talk to various teams about.

    Memo to Tracy: It is all about winning. If winning is the same as all about you, then it is OK. Otherwise, "all about you" is as palatable as a cow pie.
In the Meathead Hall of Fame category, Derrick Coleman pleaded nolo contendere to charges that he - um - took a whiz in a Syracuse nightclub last year while out for some good times with his good buddies. The lawyers reading this will be quick to point out that such a plea does not mean that he is guilty and in the eyes of the law he has not been convicted of such behavior. My reply is that the eyes of the law are blindfolded and in those eyes he is as innocent as OJ. 'Nuff said.

Back to the Larry Brown staying in Philly item for a moment. I think that there could be a lot of effort put forth in trying to make a deal to move Allen Iverson out of town. Iverson is an all-star; there is no dispute about that. But Iverson and Brown are far less compatible than were Felix and Oscar and neither Allen nor Larry is funny.

The Wizards are now interested in signing Rony Seikaly to play center for them. He is a perfect fit for this team because he spent all of last year on the injured list and has a long history of injuries. He can join Lorenzo Williams and share the back-up center duties. Lorenzo has only seen action in 17 games in 3 years so there is lots of room for Rony to move in here and get hurt and miss games too. Is Clyde Lovellette still alive? How about Arnie Risen?

Did anyone see even a few moments of the old timers batting practice competition last night on ESPN? Forget the fact that these guys can't hit anymore. It was interesting to see that Bob Horner who basically ate his way out of the NL has maintained his weight and does not look like Jabba the Hut. But you know who is HUGE? Rico Carty. Man, this guy has not missed a meal in a decade.

    Memo to Rico: Take the stairs next time.
In the MLB All-Star game, there is a major disappointment. Baseball is the only sport where the All-Star game is worth watching for even a moment or two; the other events are dreadful exhibitions at their very best. But now there are more players not there who ought to be there than is acceptable - and I am NOT talking about Cal Ripken. Pedro Martinez, Greg Maddux, Frank Thomas, Alex Rodriguez, Ken Griffey Jr., Mark McGwire, and Mike Piazza won't play. Meanwhile, Jeffrey Hammonds, Shane Reynolds, Bob Wickman, Fred McGriff and Tony Batista will play.

There are lots of reasons why those who are not there are missing but for those who are missing because their egos are bruised and who already have enough money so they don't need to go to the All-Star Game and miss out on a 3 day break, go read the fairy tale about killing the goose that lays the golden eggs. If you can't read, find someone who can and pay them to read it to you and to explain it to you. Most 5 year olds can get it, so it might take a bit of explaining to get it through your thick heads.

But don't get me wrong, I love sports...

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