Yesterday, I told you about some incidents involving some of the bad boys of sports. Well, maybe the stars are aligned in such a way as to create an epidemic of that kind of stuff. A big story yesterday let us know that Browns' RB, William Green, has added yet another wrinkle to his problematic state. Let's review the bidding. When Green was at Boston College he was suspended from the team twice (in two different seasons as I recall) including once for a Bowl Game; he was arrested and charged with DUI within the last month and there may have been some marijuana involved in some way with that incident; he has been suspended by the NFL for 4 games for violation of the substance abuse policy meaning this arrest is not his first “transgression” of that type. Yesterday he was taken to the hospital with what was first called a “knife wound”. Later in the day, there was a story that Green's wound was “self-inflicted”. Now, his girlfriend has been arrested and the location of the wound is described as “below the shoulder blade”. [I'm trying to picture how one self-inflicts a wound in that spot but since I am not a contortionist, I am having some difficulty here.] The girlfriend's charge is “felonious assault”.

Pittsburgh Pirates' pitcher, Jason Boyd hit the exacta. Two weeks ago, he was arrested and charged for punching a man in a pick-up basketball game. OK, that's just his fiery competitive nature coming out; that is what makes him a major league player, right? Last weekend, he was arrested again for hitting a man with a beer bottle leading to a charge of aggravated assault. Not good. If he gets another arrest of this type in the next month, will that be the gendarmes' trifecta or will that be “strike three”? You make the call.

In Minnesota, the Vikings have lost four consecutive games and have to be thanking their lucky stars that Detroit is next in line. Meanwhile, two DL have been arrested for DUI in the last week or so. Late last week, their first round pick from last year, Kevin Williams, lit up a breathalyzer but did not manage to remember to tell team officials about the incident until Monday. Get this man a Palm Pilot so he can manage all these complex issues in his life! On Tuesday of this week, Kenny Mixon was pulled over for erratic driving and he too “blew over the legal limit”. Mixon's case is more serious than Williams' for the Vikes because this is Mixon's third alcohol related incident since signing with the Vikings in March 2002 – and he had at least one prior incident when he was with the Dolphins. That means he could be suspended for 4 games by the league and the already porous Vikings' run defense would not get any better. Last week, the Raiders ran the ball on the Vikes for 191 yards and Rick Mirer threw only one pass in the whole first quarter. In their last three games, the Vikes have given up 664 yards rushing; that is outrageous.

One of the things that was attractive about the Vikings earlier this season when they were winning is that it appeared as if the “Bozo Factor” for the team had been reduced. The sidelines did not look like an ongoing civil war; players were not berating coaches or other players; the team looked as if it was focused on winning football games and not on “other stuff”. Now the team has lost games and the “Bozo Factor” seems to be on the increase. Last week, Randy Moss caught 4 passes for 24 yards in the first half; he caught none in the second half and people say he was “dogging it” on his routes for the whole 4th quarter. Mike Tice was asked about it and said that Moss was “exhausted from running his routes”. This is a team on the brink of a precipice.

Another NFL team with “a season on the brink” – to coin a phrase – is Tampa. The hubbub surrounding the Keyshawn Johnson deactivation is settling down but it may still prove to be one of these dreaded distractions. The Bucs are 4-6 but they have a very weak schedule ahead of them; in their last 6 games only one team is currently playing .500 ball and only one other team has a winning record. On the downside, they have 5 loses already in conference and that is one of the early tiebreakers for getting into the playoffs. They are unlikely to win their division because they trail the Panthers by 4 games plus Carolina has the tiebreaker over Tampa because they beat the Bucs twice this year. It will be a feather in the caps of the coaches and the players if they can rally from where they are now to become a playoff team.

If Tampa Bay actually makes the playoffs and wins a game or two there, maybe the organization can write a book of its own. If so, here is a working title:

Keyshawn, Just Take Your Damned Ball And Get Outta Here

The worst record in a season for a team coming off a Super Bowl appearance is 5-11. The Broncos and the Falcons followed up Super Bowl years with that record the next year. The Bucs should pass that mark easily this year, but the Raiders – currently 3-7 – may struggle to get to 5 wins. When Rick Mirer and Rob Johnson are your QB tandem, you don't want to ask, "Who is the emergency QB?" The answer might be Squirt the Wonder Clam. If you think that is embarrassing, put yourself in the shoes of the CBS TV execs who are looking at their late game line-up for the final weekend of the season and they are staring at the rematch between the Raiders and the Chargers. Here is a possibility for their promotional lead in:

“The loser is on the clock …”

Ted Williams said that the single hardest athletic feat was to hit a baseball. Even with today's watered down pitching, that is probably true but for one night, there might have been something more difficult. Last weekend the Lakers and the Heat played a basketball game in a locus where there must have been a warp in the space-time continuum. The teams combined for 21 attempts to make 3-point shots; the teams combined to miss each and every one of them.

The Lakers must be carrying some strange karma in their baggage this year because after that goofy game with the Heat, the Lakers hosted the Knicks last night where the referees seemed to be caught up in some kind of trans-dimensional warp. The Lakers won 104-83; that is nothing surprising. However, the Lakers attempted 47 free throws and the Knicks went to the line only 6 times. That is an “unusual” disparity. Three Laker players had more free throw attempts than the entire Knick team!

Someone once said that your stand on any issue depends on where you are sitting at the moment. Well, we may have a test case to observe here. Shawn Kemp was hardly a model citizen when he played in the NBA. I doubt that many coaches and GMs wanted to bring him aboard to be a role model for the rest of the team. Kemp was habitually late for team “things”, was not an enthusiastic practice player, had drug issues, was overweight for most of his career [It was said that God could not light the Earth until Kemp got his butt out of the way.] and fathered at least half a dozen children in various zip codes around the country. Now, Shawn Kemp has become a part owner of the Oklahoma Storm basketball franchise in the USBL. I can't wait to read about how he deals with players who create those dreaded distractions.

Finally, here is a collegiate match-up so obvious that I can't understand why it has not developed into something big. Southwestern College (Winfield, KS) athletic teams are The Moundbuilders. They need to play the Montana Tech Orediggers. Tonka trucks should jump at the chance to sponsor that rivalry.

But don't get me wrong, I love sports...

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