Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. I hope that every reader has the chance to spend tomorrow with people who are close to him/her and that the day is filled with warmth and good feelings. In case you think those wishes are totally out of character, they are not. Look at the title above; it says “curmudgeon” not “misanthrope”.

Obviously, there will be no rant tomorrow as I get set to watch football and help to prepare dinner and stuff my face to a point ever so slightly to this side of gluttony. Perhaps there will be a rant on Friday depending on how torpid I feel on the “morning after” - - and how many leaves need to be raked.

With all the administrivia out of the way, let me begin today with the ESPN promos for their upcoming NHL telecasts where they have this guy who purportedly works in a factory and tries to tell us that hockey is “made in America”. Let me say this very clearly. When I look at the top scorers in the NHL and see that I cannot readily pronounce the names of well more than half of the top ten, that means that hockey is not made in America – or Canada either. The NHL has become a league of Scandinavian and Eastern European players about whom the average fan in the US knows NOTHING. This promotional campaign will not help. But just in case the ESPN suits cannot figure out a quantitative measure to determine if their hockey telecasts are a success, let me offer two measurements to them free of charge:

You will be a success when your best NHL telecast gets a rating number that is equal to the worst rating number ever seen by the XFL.

If I've set the bar higher than you believe in your heart of hearts can be achieved, you could also use the World Series of Poker reruns as your measuring stick.

There are rumors that Tommy Tuberville is out at Auburn and that a single powerful alum is behind the ouster. I know that some polls had Auburn as the pre-season #1 team and that they have not lived up to that billing, but Tuberville is hardly a failure as a coach. Be all that as it may, the story goes that Auburn signed Tuberville to an extension just after last season ended and that contract extension has a large buyout clause in it ($4-5M). Auburn University likes to talk about its “emerging business school” and the innovative business programs that it offers that are relevant to the business climate of the 21st century. I can only hope that none of the faculty of the business school were involved in putting that big buyout number in Tuberville's contract less than a year ago. You could buy a lot of new books to put in the business school library for $4-5M.

It appears as if the Cleveland Cavaliers have already decided that Ricky Davis is potentially toxic to keep around LeBron James and the story is they are shopping Davis around the league. Davis is not regarded as a prime property by many coaches and GMs because of his attitude and his selfish play on the court, but he can score and – most importantly – he is locked into a contract that is very reasonable by today's standards. He will make $4.92M this year and he is signed through the 07/08 season where his salary climbs only to $6.8M. Let's see, we have a scorer who is not real big and who plays next to no defense. Get Mark Cuban on the line…

Let me see if I have this right. Last year Kordell Stewart was the starting QB for the Steelers and he stunk out the joint sufficiently that he got his butt sent to the bench. When Tommy Maddox got hurt, Stewart came in and won a game or two and then went back to the bench so that Maddox could finish out the season. Over the summer, Stewart was allowed to change his place of work and he went to Chicago where he began the year as the starting QB. But he stunk out the joint sufficiently such that he got his butt sent to the bench but when Chris Chandler was nicked he came in and won a game against Denver. Are you seeing a pattern here? Oh by the way, both the Steelers and the Bears are 4-7 at this moment and while both are still mathematically in the playoff race, neither team is likely to be holding any practices in January.

After losing in overtime to the Rams, Arizona Cardinals' WR, Anquan Boldin, displayed some symptoms which might lead one to believe that he had taken a shot to the head during the game that had gone unnoticed. He said, “Bottom line, we lost. We felt we were better than this team. And I still think we're better than this team.”

Memo to Anquan: Rams are 8-3; Cards are 3-8. Rams are going to the playoffs; Cards are going to get their coach fired. This is what is happening on Earth; what is happening wherever you are? Where are you?

Speaking of the Cardinals' coach, Dave McGinnis, he said just ten days ago after they lost to the Browns by a score of 44-6 that it was “as poorly played a football game by my team as I've ever seen.” This weekend, the Cards go to Chicago to play the Bears. This is a game of Bad vs. Worse to see who will be drafting in the top 5 for sure come April. The Cards won't lose to the Bears by 44-6 because the Bears could not score 44 points in less than two games against any other team where the players get paid to play. Nevertheless, look out Coach McGinnis. You might see “as poorly played a football game” here as you saw back in Cleveland. Only difference is it might be from both teams…

The NFL will not allow Dick Vermeil to give Morten Andersen a bottle of nice wine for making the field goal that won the game for the Chiefs last week. Vermeil promised it to Andersen at the time of the kick, but the league ruled that this is an improper inducement and that it might violate salary cap rules and regulations. There will be no fine or disciplinary action but Vermeil did say that he and Andersen would have to wait until after the season was over and then he and Andersen would share a glass of fine wine at Vermeil's home. Presumably, that is still permitted in the No Fun League…

After the Vikings beat the Lions last week, linebacker Greg Biekert said to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune that one of the key elements in their being able to stop the Lions' offense was that the Vikes “weren't stuck in one coverage.” He went on to say, “We adjusted to totally different coverage versus a running backfield or a passing backfield.” Whoa there big fella. You mean to tell me that you guys out there on the field are able to tell that the opponent is more likely to run than pass from different formations and that you can change what you are going to do once you recognize that? That's like totally unbelievable. No wonder you guys won the game. How could the Lions' offense have even stood a chance?

I presume that all the stories about the 1972 Dolphins and their champagne toasts to their perfect season are over for the next year. I did read one story that said that the players' celebrations are intended to toast their perfection and not the loss of the final undefeated team; they are supposedly celebrating their accomplishment and they are comfortable in letting “their record speak for itself”. Horse hockey!! If that were the case, then none of these people would give interviews or allow this to be a recurring story. Just as when someone says it isn't about the money – and you know immediately it is only about the money, this is a case where it is not about the perfect season. It's about the players and their need for some more limelight…

Finally, it is the Thanksgiving season and we all need to give thanks for all that is important to us. At the same time, we also need to recognize that some people have thankless jobs and we need to be thankful that we don't have them. Imagine for a moment being the ghostwriter for Martha Burk's upcoming autobiography, which has a working title of

My March Through Augusta –Domination General Sherman Could Only Dream About.

But don't get me wrong, I love sports...

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