People watch with anticipation for the ads on the Super Bowl because many of them are clever and many of them have entertainment value that can last for a while. Just think of the Budweiser frogs who gave rise to Louie the Lizard… I watch for Super Bowl ads because I hope that the creative spark that leads to some of those ads will also lead to the demise of some other ad campaigns that have become tedious at best and more likely, monumentally annoying.
So let me get out of the way the ads on the Super Bowl that I found amusing/attractive:
Bud Light ad where two guys settle there differences with a game of Rock/Scissors/Paper – only one guy throws a real rock at the other one.
Bud Light ad with Carlos Mencia regarding “No Speak English”.
The Not Fade Away Tour with Sheryl Crow. Frankly, I wish Sheryl Crow would actually fade away, but the ad was clever.
T-Mobile ad with D-Wade and Charles Barkley where the punch line is, “Is this your dad?”
The rest of the ads were average at best or already annoying at first glance. But I’ll give them all a “bye” because compared to some of the ad campaigns that have been around for a while they are Pulitzer Prize material. Some ad campaigns have long ago run their course; consumers should be organizing jihads against companies who continue to run these ads. Let me give you a few examples…:
Every ad that runs for a shaving product is an insult and an affront to 90% of the male population old enough to need to shave. The guy with a face-full of lather/gel has just completed a two year training regimen for abs development and he stands in front of the mirror with his hair neatly combed and his eyes clear and focused. Here’s an insight for advertisers out there; that’s not how things look in the typical guy’s bathroom in the morning and having your commercial portray it as such is really annoying. Then the guy uses a product called a Turbo Something-or-Other and/or Mach-12 razor. One gentle swipe across his face and he gets a shave that makes his skin as pristine as a newborn’s butt. Who’s kidding whom here? It NEVER works that way. And please don’t try to tell me that the way to a shave and a look like that is to have seven blades on my razor and a motorized contraption attached to those seven blades. Look, I know that my beard in the morning could use a farm thresher, but I don’t need any motors driving sharp stainless steel blades anywhere near my carotid artery before I have my third cup of coffee in the morning.
Tell the truth now; do you actually know anyone who bought his or her spouse a Lexus for Christmas, put a humongous red bow on the roof, and parked it in the driveway? I don’t. And just suppose you did that one year and told your dear wife to cover her eyes and walk outside in her bathrobe to see her surprise present. What the hell would she think she was getting that required her to walk outside to see it? A diamond bracelet? I don’t think so. Maybe a John Deere riding mower – - if you wouldn’t mind sleeping on the sofa for the next three months. Otherwise, it would pretty much have to be a car – or a lifetime supply of plastic pink flamingoes for the lawn. Enough of that stupidity, please.
Can someone explain to me why the world needs Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper? Until that’s clear to me, I don’t need to see any ads for this concoction.
Whenever I saw Dr. Z as the Chrysler spokesthing, I wanted the “Z” to stand for “ZAP” because I always was looking for someone to run out from the background and hit the fool with a Taser. Sadly, that hasn’t happened yet in the ad campaign and so unless that’s the next round of ads to air, can someone just put these things back on the shelf?
I was annoyed to the max the first time I saw the GM ads with the “levitating cars” to provide the message that there would be a 100,000-mile engine and power-train warranty on GM cars in the next model year. Who cares about that nonsense? What I want now that they put that ad on the air is a car that will levitate like that and get out of traffic jams. Here’s a clue for GM and all manufacturers:
I want a car that will run 100,000 miles with routine maintenance and recommended service at appropriate intervals and one that will start reliably when the temperature is zero degrees with the wind blowing at 20 mph and one that will handle snow/ice/rain/wind conditions if I drive sanely. Produce that car for a reasonable price and I’ll buy it and so will loads of other people.
I want to say this ever so politely and ever so clearly to the people at Schering-Plough Inc. No, I am not gellin’ like a melon nor have I ever been a felon. Stop that stupidity immediately!
I want to say this ever so politely and ever so clearly to the people who make and market Flomax – that pill designed to treat benign prostatic hyperplasia. I don’t need to see some guy who is constantly running to a bathroom to take a leak; you can get your message across without making the guy in the ad into someone who really ought to be wearing adult diapers instead of pumping yet another medicine through his bloodstream. I got the message; if I ever spend more than 2 hours a day “draining the lizard”, I’ll be sure to talk with my doctor to find out how to get that much of my life back to normal.
In terms of advertising, there are five words that ought to bring a sense of loathing and disgust to every TV viewer in the US. I’ll just mention the words here and let you shudder in your revulsion:
Ted Ferguson – - Bud Light Daredevil
Since I mentioned a Budweiser product here, let me also note that all of the ads for Bud Extra are annoying and the product itself serves an unfathomable niche in the marketplace. Bud Extra is beer infused with caffeine, ginseng and guarna extract whatever the hell that is. For all I know it’s a fancy term for guano extract. I must have missed a memo here because I never realized that beer drinkers needed something to keep them alert and aware; I sort of thought that was antithetical to the whole purpose of pounding down a dozen bottles or so. How does caffeine enhance the mellowness of the buzz one gets after finishing that ninth beer? Just what is the recommended daily amount of guarna extract in a healthy and balanced diet – - and what would constitute an overdose of guarna extract? Can you imagine what would happen if people decided to start doing boilermakers with Bud Extra? You’d have people drunk out of their minds who could not fall into a coma because of all the caffeine. They’d all wind up watching the ceiling spin around above the bed and be unable to go to sleep to make it stop.
And without a doubt, we do need to put the brakes on the various erectile dysfunction ads. We have gotten the message over the last half dozen years. If these folks would only clear up one final detail, we won’t need to hear about Viagra, Cialis or Levitra ever again. The detail is this:
Exactly what is the cure that your doctor will prescribe for an erection that lasts more than 4 hours? Naked pictures of Janet Reno, Sally Struthers, Queen Elizabeth and Rosie O’Donnell?
But the worst ad campaign has to be one that runs in the local paper here. Unless you look carefully in the Washington Post you’ll never see these ads – and that will redound to your benefit. A local clinic advertises colonic hydrotherapy as a way to colonic health and thereby a plethora of benefits. I’m not sure how colonic hydrotherapy differs from an enema, but I’m sure there’s a difference that encompasses more than the price of the treatment. Here’s the kicker, the ad says that “clients have complete privacy” during the treatment. Excuse me, but how does one have complete privacy whilst catching an enema? Do they have Artoo Detoo roll into the room with a hose attachment? This ad is not helpful or attractive; please make it go away.
But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…