Please note that I am writing this on the day that the “Mitchell Report” will finally become known to the public but that I am writing it and posting it prior to its release. The two main reasons that I am not going to wait to read about it before writing this essay are really very simple:
1. I do not think that this report will shock me in any way and
2. I think that the importance of the report will be as extensive as the cultural impact of the Labrador Surfing Team.
Seriously, I would not be stunned to learn that any player in MLB over the past 15-20 years has used steroids, amphetamines, or painkillers as a way to enhance his performance on the field. [And I mean to include specifically here even those players of that era who have already been elected to the Hall of Fame.] We have already had pitchers named and disciplined for steroid use and these guys are not blowing the ball past anyone. Each and every player has to be a suspect in this matter because there is no testing of the players that is meaningful and there are huge financial gains to be had for outstanding performances on the field. The entire situation is akin to the “War on Drugs” and the “War on Poverty” that this country has waged over the past four decades. In case you hadn’t noticed, drugs and poverty are still here in almost the same proportion that they were prior to declaration of these “Wars”.
I think that the shock value of whatever names are contained in the “Mitchell Report” will last less than 72 hours. By the time the NFL Pre-Game Shows hit the air on Sunday morning, this story will be old news and it will be all but forgotten – even on “SportsTalk Radio” – by Sunday evening.
The huge story of the moment – also soon to be forgotten – is the resignation of Bobby Petrino as the coach of the Falcons and his move to be the head coach at Arkansas. Here in the DC area where there is precious little emotional connection with either the Falcons or the Razorbacks, this story has poured a lot of gastric juice into a lot of stomachs and caused a lot of vitriol to spill out over the airwaves of DC’s sports radio stations. For the life of me, I do not understand why…
Bobby Petrino is a football coach. In the perspective of society and world events, he is only a bit more important than that Labrador Surfing Team I mentioned above. To him, football is a business and a career. He is not a fan to whom football’s importance is just slightly below the importance of God, country, family and honor. To him it is not a whole lot different from the guy who drives a delivery truck for UPS quitting that job and taking a similar position with FedEx – maybe even on the same day. In addition, the job switch doesn’t matter a whole lot more either to him or to me.
All of the emoting about how this tawdry episode will come back to haunt Petrino when he tries to recruit players for Arkansas because they won’t believe what he tells them, does not amount to a mite of moose mucous. Young athletes have been conditioned to have people fawn over them because of their athletic skills; they do not look beyond the fawning of the recruiting process. They too are looking at football as a career or a business; if they get to the pro level, it’s all good; if they merely get a free ride to college for a degree or for fun and games, it’s all good. Like coaches, most players do not put nearly the same percentage of their psyche into football that the rabid fans do.
Bobby Petrino has learned as a football coach to tell people – prospective players, athletic directors, general managers and beat reporters – what he thinks they want to hear. Does that make him a hypocrite and a lying weasel? Yes. However, he is a football coach and part of the knowledge/skills/abilities requisite to be a good football coach is the ability to lie convincingly. If you think I am being cynical here, recall that the only difference between a cynic and a realist is whether or not you agree with him. Recall some of the other honorable and truthful men in the football coaching profession and their abilities with creative truth-telling such as Nick Saban, Gary Barnett, Rick Neuheisel…
You want some real irony about this Bobby Petrino situation? Lou Holtz quit as the coach of the Jets in his first year in the NFL. Where did he go? He went to Arkansas just like Petrino. But the coincidence doesn’t stop there. Consider:
When Holtz left the Jets in 1976 for Arkansas, they were 3-10.
When Petrino left the Falcons yesterday for Arkansas, they were 3-10.
On the day Petrino left the Falcons for Arkansas, the Jets were 3-10.
No, I did not play “310” in the lottery yesterday. But I did check and it did not win in the Virginia Lottery or the DC Lottery yesterday. So much for numerology…
In response to my comments yesterday about the Washington Nationals acquiring Lastings Milledge and Elijah Dukes, I got this note from a friend and former colleague. I thought it was worth sharing:
“There was a time in pro sports when some organizations did quite well by acquiring highly talented meatheads from other organizations. The old Oakland Raiders come to mind. The Redskins of George Allen succeeded at this game, too.
“This operating strategy doesn’t seem to work anymore. The Oakland Raiders still try to do it, and they stink on a consistent basis. You cited Portland. How’s that working out? The Bengals come to mind as an organization that cannot straighten out the meatheads. (Randy Moss is a recent exception to this rule.)
“For some reason the leopards could change their spots 20 years ago and cannot today. The answer probably lies in big money and guaranteed contracts. But I don’t know the answer.
“I expect that the Nationals will quietly jettison Milledge and his new buddy after some kind of run in with teammates or the law. They are smart enough to do that. Well, at least people are talking about the Nationals…..”
I mentioned the Jets above. They get to play the Pats this weekend as 24-point underdogs. Let me give you three stats that put that spread into perspective.
1. The Jets have scored a total of 239 points in their 13 games.
2. The Pats have scored a total of 503 points in their 13 games.
3. The Pats have outscored their opponents by 281 points in their 13 games. That cumulative margin of victory is 6 TDs more than all of the points the Jets have scored all season long.
The Bears will start Kyle Orton at QB this weekend against the Vikings. It seems that yet another coaching staff in yet another NFL city has come to realize that Brian Griese is not the answer when it comes to a starting QB. Lovie Smith says he thinks Orton gives the Bears the best chance to win on Monday and this is not an “audition” for Orton nor a demonstration of a lack of faith in Griese. Stop the snickering; he’s a football coach; he’s lying; what else would you expect him to say? Smith told reporters in Chicago that the time had come “to see exactly what Kyle can do.” Now does that sound like a coach describing a QB undergoing an audition or a QB he is confident gives the team the best chance to win this Monday night? The great orator, Cicero, would probably call that comment a lapsus linguae.
Meanwhile, the Bears put two DTs on injured reserve this week and signed/activated a DT who has one game of NFL experience as a starter. The Vikings like to run the ball and run the ball and then run the ball some more. If the Vikes avoid turnovers and stupid penalties, this game might get very ugly.
Finally, Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle had this comment recently related to coaches and the way they paint rosy pictures that do not always coincide with reality:
“Mike Nolan has defended [Niners’ O-Coordinator] Jim Hostler by explaining that Hostler works his tail off. Chiefs coach Herm Edwards recently defended his O-coordinator, Mike Solari, by saying, ‘He’s working his tail off.’
“Coaches, please listen carefully: We are not impressed. If I work my tail off digging a ditch with a TV remote, I’m still a lousy ditch-digger.”
But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…