Sometimes when you sit down in a restaurant and look at the menu, you just know you are going to have a wonderful meal. You look at the choices in front of you and so many of them look so appealing. Well, today I’m looking at my “menu” of sports topics for commentary and I just know that I am going to be really cranky by the end of this essay. There’s just a whole lot of rotten stuff out there.
I’ll begin with the latest in the Roger Clemens maelstrom. To set the stage, let me be clear that the following information comes from Brian McNamee’s attorney in the form of a “statement”. Since McNamee is involved in a lawsuit with Clemens and his attorney is not in court providing this information to a judge, let me be gracious and say that he just might be shading the information a bit to make his client look good. In fact, he may be lying through his teeth – which he would do only with great trepidation in a court in front of a judge. Nevertheless, McNamee’s lawyer says that Kirk Radomski – the already convicted steroid peddler who used to work in the Mets’ clubhouse – moved a broken TV in his home and found shipping documents under the TV that involve HGH and Roger Clemens. Voila! Just like that…
In this case, the dog didn’t eat the homework; in this case, the dog barfed up something under the broken TV that was in perfect condition. I guess that is why the call Radomski’s former employer, the Mets, – - amazing.
I wonder what the next twist and turn in this story might be:
Perhaps, a DNA test will show that Debbie Clemens is actually Amelia Earhardt on some really potent age defying drug.
Or possibly, lab analyses will show that Kirk Radomski’s DNA has a significant tendency toward that of members of the genus Mustela (weasels).
Or possibly, surveys will show that Roger Clemens’ reputation/image has fallen below that of John Wayne Gacy.
Here’s what I know; whatever comes next in the saga will likely make me even more disgusted than I am at the moment…
But that’s not all… According to a report from the British Open, John Daly said that he is peeved at swing coach, Butch Harmon, over comments made by Harmon that Daly wasn’t seriously devoted to being the best golfer he could be. Daly actually said,
“I think his lies kind of destroyed my life for a little bit.”
I bear no animus toward John Daly but in order for anyone to believe that a statement that he might – I said might – prefer drinking and carousing to practicing golf would be something that could “destroy his life”, that person would also have to believe that Green Eggs And Ham was a report on the environmental aftereffects of Chernobyl. Give me a break here… The data on Daly’s golf game in recent times is pretty clear:
He lost his PGA Tour Card; he plays now on sponsors’ exemptions.
He has entered 12 tournaments this year; he missed the cut in 9 of them.
In the last 3 years, he has missed the cut 37 out of 57 times.
Since my glass of the milk-of-human-kindness is way less than half-full at the moment, let me pose these options. Which would be the most outrageous celebrity pairing in terms of tabloid furor:
a. Alex Rodriguez and Liz Taylor
b. Charles Barkley and Della Reese
c. John Daly and Brittney Spears
d. Roger Clemens and “Hannah Montana”
e. Any permutation or combination of the people above… [shudder]
In the category of “who woulda ever thunk that,” a third cyclist in the Tour de France tested positive for EPO this year and his team resigned from the race. Competitive cycling is obviously a competition where “chemical cheating” is a way of life based on the number of “catches” made; but as a sports fan, here is what all of this tells me:
If the cyclists in this race – knowing they will be tested randomly and often – still use banned substances, doesn’t that mean that they do not believe they can possibly win the race without “chemical cheating”?
And if that picture is even half-true, how can I believe that anyone in the field who finished better than 244th is clean?
Speaking of cycling and doping, Floyd Landis lost his appeal to get his Tour de France title back. One report said he spent $4M in pursuing that appeal. Say what? Four million dollars for what? I don’t even want to know where that money came from or what it went for…
To cap off this wonderful day in sports, the NBA officiating saga has taken a turn downhill for the league – - or at least until David Stern finds a way to lecture everyone on just how meaningless all of this is and that we should pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. There are reports now that Tim Donaghy was in touch via phone with another NBA official far more frequently than one might expect two referees to be in touch with one another. And that other official worked the NBA Finals this year. Let me just quote an item from Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Tribune to give you the overview here:
“The NBA keeps screaming that Tim Donaghy acted as a lone fixer among referees, but get a load of this: One of the guys in Donaghy’s fave five, Scott Foster, officiated seven games in 2006-07 that moved the point spread by at least two points, and Vegas lost all seven games. The odds are less than 1 percent that such a thing occurred randomly, meaning without, say, a referee fixing it. The more the NBA keeps screaming that Donaghy acted as a lone fixer among referees, the more it seems like the NBA’s nose is growing.”
David Stern keeps trying to protect the integrity of the league and its officials. Here are two things that the Viscount of Verisimilitude should keep in mind:
1. Integrity is like virginity; you only get to lose it once.
2. If Donaghy was the only “problem child” and every other NBA ref is totally above reproach, why kill a mosquito with a ball peen hammer and hire a retired army general – who seems never to have refereed any basketball games – to oversee this part of the league’s operations?
Finally, here is an observation from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald:
“In other tennis news, Monica Seles officially announced her retirement five years after playing her last match. What’s next? A retirement confirmation from Evonne Goolagong?”
But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…