Tiger Woods employs a herd of PR folks and handlers and image consultants. In the past, whenever there might have been a small “issue” that might paint Tiger Woods as less than a cherubic and heroic figure, the herd would gather and put him out of sight and out of contact with the world and let it blow over until he made his next tournament appearance whereupon everything would dry up and blow away. That strategy is not working this time; I daresay that unless some other blockbuster story hits the streets soon and diverts public attention from “the early morning traffic incident”, that strategy is not going to work this time.
If the PR folks here think that just ignoring the issue and stonewalling the media will keep Tiger Woods out of tabloids such as the National Enquirer those folks might want to contact JonBenet Ramsey’s father – - or perhaps Bill and Hillary Clinton. The Enquirer alleged last week – - prior to the accident – - that Tiger Woods was doing the horizontal boogie with a hottie who is not the same as his uber-hot wife when Tiger was in Australia recently. The Enquirer will not get off that trail for a while unless something even more sensational and/or salacious comes along, particularly since there is a car crash involved, Tiger is stiff-arming the police and there are rumors that his wife was using that golf club for more than just breaking out a window of the car to rescue him.
Let me be clear. I have no idea at all what happened that night; I have no idea if Tiger Woods has been playing “bury the brisket” with this other woman; most importantly, I really do not care what his sex life is all about so long as it only involves consenting adults of the species Homo sapiens. However, the herd of PR folks, handlers, and image consultants who have circled the wagons in this matter need to consider that I – as a person who really does not care what happened in this matter – have a few simple questions running through my mind, which could be disposed of with great dispatch:
1. Why was Tiger Woods leaving his house at 2:30 AM?
2. Why was his wife also awake at that time of night such that she could hear the accident and be first on the scene to assist him?
3. Why did she reportedly break the rear window of the SUV in order to get him out of the driver’s seat?
4. Knowing full well that Tiger Woods is under no obligation to speak to the police about a simple traffic accident, why has he refused to speak to the police if this was nothing more than a simple traffic accident?
There is another wave of “stuff” that looks imminent in this matter. Tiger Woods has hired a high-profile attorney. For a simple traffic accident? Really? Yes, I know he has the right to do so and surely has the means to do so; but if you accidentally wrapped our car around a tree and there was nothing more to the story than that, would you hire an attorney? Or, would you just file your insurance claim and hope that your company did not cancel on you the next time the policy came up for renewal?
Here is another thing the PR folks need to think about as they continue to keep the cone of silence around Tiger Woods this week. Suppose there is a grandstanding DA in that part of Florida who subpoenas Tiger Woods and/or his wife to appear before a grand jury to gather information that the authorities cannot gather from his cooperation with the police. Both Tiger and his wife can cite the Fifth Amendment and refuse to speak there too, but from a PR perspective, how would that play?
One other small matter that will assure that this does not dry up and blow away in the next 72 hours is the news that the alleged “other woman” has retained the services of a high profile lawyer of her own – - the same one who represented Paula Jones. Once again, she is perfectly within her rights to do so, but once again the question of “Why?” marches to center stage.
Moving on…
The other out-of-this-world event of the weekend happened with just less than a minute to play in the USC/UCLA football game. With about 50 seconds left in the game, USC led by 2 TDs and had the ball around the 50 yardline. USC took a knee; that is normally a signal that the game is over and the bus motor is running to take the visitors home. Not this time… UCLA coach, Rick Neuheisel, called the first of his three time outs. Childish? Definitely. Feckless? You bet! And he is supposed to represent the adult supervision on the UCLA sideline…
Meanwhile, over on the other sideline, the adults in charge there took sufficient umbrage in that “act of defiance” that they set out on their own course. When play resumed, USC did not take another knee; they threw a bomb which was complete and made it a 3 TD game with less than a minute to play. And that led to celebrating and a confrontation of players on the field. Fortunately, there was no riot.
Dr. Myles Brand (RIP) used to say that it was time for university presidents to rein in athletic programs that were not in congruence with the core mission of their universities. That was rhetorical gas; nevertheless, here is a situation where two university presidents ought to summon their respective football coaching staffs to the president’s office and read them the riot act. Neuheisel – - once nicknamed Rick New-weasel by Woody Paige of the Denver Post – - can blather on about how his time out call was a demonstration to his team that they should never quit. Balderdash!
Memo to Rick Neuheisel: That is exactly the thinking that cost the Army of the Third Reich so many casualties at Stalingrad.
Carroll can gloat and claim that all he was doing was responding to Neuheisel’s nonsense and going on to play out the football game. Buncombe! All Carroll was doing was taking one stupid act and trumping it with another act of equal or greater stupidity.
Memo to Pete Carroll: Life is not about seeing if you can always find a way to do something dumber than the other guy.
What are the odds that these two university presidents will have a “Come to Jesus meeting” with both of these coaches? Probably about the same odds as Ben Johnson accepting an invitation from the Canadian Olympic Committee to light the Olympic Torch in Vancouver in February…
Finally, here is something to think about courtesy of Bernie Lincicome from his website, www.bernielincicome.com:
“With medical costs the way they are, how can anyone be ill at ease?”
But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…