Sometimes when you go to the racetrack, you see a race where there are three standout horses and you choose to box them in the trifecta. If the three of them finish in the money, you win; the order of their finish does not matter; you have them boxed. Today, I want to talk about three issues that are of zero importance. I cannot figure out which of them is the least important, but I doubt there is a fourth issue out there that is less important. So, today I am dealing with the Trifecta of the Trifling – - and I will box these three items.
Leading off the parade of inanity, consider that the United States Department of State – - yes, the one run at the moment by Hillary Rodham Clinton – - just named Kareem Abdul Jabbar to the post of Global Cultural Ambassador. According to the Assistant Secretary of State for Educational and Cultural Affairs, Ann Stock, Kareem will “travel the world to engage a generation of young people to help promote diplomacy.” Ms. Stock added that this appointment is part of Secretary Clinton’s vision of “Smart Power” combining defense, development and diplomacy to “bridge the gap in a tense world through young people.”
Kareem’s first duty will be this weekend when he travels to Brazil where he will be part of a series of events involving education. His presence intends to provide a connection point for young folks there and those events involving education. On his own website, Kareem had this to say about this new job:
“I am honored to have been chosen to represent my country as a Global Cultural Ambassador. My first assignment will be in Brazil, a country that I’m thrilled to visit. The culture there is so vibrant and engaging. I’m a big jazz fan and Brazilian jazz is a very popular part of the nations [sic] cultural profile. I think I’ll get a chance to sample some of the current jazz on this trip. And of course there’s basketball. I’ll be involved putting on some clinics for the local hoopsters! All in all this is going to be a fun and exciting trip both educationally and culturally.”
Look folks, there is no way that Kareem is going to make the world a more dangerous or tense place by his actions. The Middle East is not going to explode into even more violence than normal because of this appointment. It cannot hurt much of anything. However, it ain’t gonna change much for the better either… He is going to listen to some jazz and show up at a basketball clinic someone else has organized and advertised before he leaves town.
The second trifling issue of the moment involves Terrell Owens. I know; such a surprise… I wrote a couple of weeks ago that Owens might be joining an Indoor Football League Team in Allen, Texas and could become a part owner of the franchise in the package deal. Now, it would appear as if that has come to pass given the following statement from T.O himself:
“Uh-oh, it’s official. It just went down. I’m headed back to Texas. That’s right. IFL here I come. Allen, Tx. Here I come. I’m gonna be me. Allen, Tx., I’ll see you in the end zone.”
According to reports, players in the IFL receive payments on a per-game basis. Everyone gets $225 for playing in the game; the winning team gets a “bonus” for winning but I cannot find a reference to how much that bonus is. One report said that T.O. would have a contract worth $250 – 500K with the Allen Wranglers but part of that “worth” would come in the form of partial ownership of the franchise.
As has been the case in the past, T.O. is marching to his own music. Most players in the IFL are there with the hope that someday they can make it to the NFL. Fred Jackson, now with the Bills, started out in the IFL; Anthony Armstrong, now with the Redskins, started out in the IFL. Not overly surprisingly, T.O. is taking his career arc in the other direction…
Fortunately, the IFL has no franchises in California so there will be no games there. A couple of months ago, a judge in California issued a bench warrant for T.O.’s arrest based on his failure to make court-ordered child support payments.
The third entry with regard to nugatory events today takes us to New Zealand where a farm lobby group there hopes to make sheep shearing an Olympic demonstration sport. The New Zealand Federated Farmers issued a statement saying, in part:
“… [the] time has come to elevate shearing’s sporting status to the ultimate world stage …”
OK. I guess so. If they say so…
It is not often that you will read anything here that defends the Olympics or the Olympic Movement – - which I have in the past compared to a Bowel Movement – - but in this case, I feel compelled to point out something to the New Zealand Federated Farmers. The Olympic standard for what is an Olympic sport requires worldwide participation in that sport; baseball and softball were dropped from Olympic participation because they were not played over a sufficiently geographically diverse map to retain Olympic consideration.
New Zealand will host the World Shearing Championships later this year, which might make you think sheep shearing had a worldwide footing. The best I can find though is that participants will come from New Zealand, Australia, Ireland and Scotland. Not to put too fine a point on it here, but if that is the case, five of the seven continents on the planet would not take part in these World Championships.
Here are two other issues the Olympic Committee might have with sheep shearing. The current world record holder for sheep shearing is Ivan Scott of Ireland. His record is that he sheared 749 lambs in an 8-hour period by himself. Do the math; that is about one lamb every 40 seconds. Impressive, you say…
Now think about being the judge/referee who has to sit there and watch Ivan and his rivals do what they do for 8 hours.
Think about the television producers who will have to provide coverage for this event and what they are going to do – - other than slit their wrists – - during the 8-hour time period where everything new and unusual will have happened in the first two minutes.
As I said, today is the Trifecta of the Trifling…
Finally, here is an item from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald that seems appropriate today since his comment deals with an Olympic athlete and something really silly:
“U.S. Olympic track athlete Nick Symmonds is auctioning off ad space on his arm: Your Twitter handle tattooed there. I’m interested. My Twitter handle is ‘@Nick Symmonds is an idiot.’ “
But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………