I need to do my weekly evaluation of the five worst teams from last weekend. Normally, I do this earlier in the week but I guess it's better to do them late than never. I could make the excuse that it was really hard to narrow down this list to just five teams this time because there were some really bad performances last weekend. But let's skip the excuses:

5. Steelers: They were shut out 27-0. They gave up 9 sacks and gained only 21 yards rushing during that debacle. Nonetheless, they are only fifth on the list of worst teams of the weekend. That should tell you with no confusion that there were some putrid performances out there last weekend.

4. Browns: They were shut out 30-0 so they have to be at least one notch below the Steelers, no?

3. Lions: It's their only real "national exposure game" of the year and they got off to a 10-0 lead and then lay down like dogs for the rest of the game. The talent level on this team is best approximated by visiting your local Home Depot and walking down the aisle where they have the garden tools/implements. That may approximate the intellect of the team management too.

2. Falcons: They needed that game; they closed to make it a one-possession game in the 3rd quarter; then stunk like weasel crap in the fourth quarter. I'm not convinced that this team couldn't direct traffic down a one-way street.

1. Giants: When you lead 21-0 in the fourth quarter against a 3-7 team, you have win the game even if you put it on cruise control. The Giants lost 24-21. If this were Colonial America, this team would be in the stocks in the town square as a public shaming.

Please note that the Eagles, Bucs and Texans dodged this list. But do not be misled. All of those teams played very poorly last weekend too.

The two shutouts last weekend bring the total to 12 for the 2006 season and there are still five weeks to go. Last year, there were only six shutouts for the entire season. I guess the Competition Committee will have to come up with some more rules to hinder defensive players. Maybe they should make defensive backs and linebackers play while wearing shackles and/or an eye-patch…?

If you are an NFC team and you have a 7-4 record, you are leading your division as long as you aren't in the NFC North. If you are an AFC team and you have a 7-4 record, the best you could hope for would be a second place position in a division trailing the division leader by only one game. That will give you an idea of how much stronger the AFC is than the NFC this year.

If you watched that wretched Lions/Dolphins game on Thanksgiving Day, you had to notice the "smog" that was created at halftime by the indoor pyrotechnics accompanying a performance by John Fogerty. Can it possibly be healthy for players, coaches and/or fans to spend a couple of hours respiring that stuff in a closed building? I doubt it. So, why did that have to happen?

Oh, just in case you were wondering why John Fogerty was performing at halftime in the first place, I think his presence proves conclusively that The Captain and Tennille were previously booked - probably at a wedding reception in Union NJ at Fire Hall #37.

The Denver Broncos will go as far as their defense can carry them this year; that's how they got where they are now. The Broncos have scored 17 points or less in eight different games this year; in those games they are 6-2. Wherever they go this year, the defenders are the guys who wear the white hats.

It's time for a surprise quiz. In 250 words or less, answer two of the following questions:

A. What is Jake Plummer's football future now that Jay Cutler has been tapped to be the starter in Denver?

B. Should the Eagles draft a top-flight QB just in case Donovan McNabb continues his injury epidemic?

C. Does Rex Grossman give the Bears their best chance to win or their best chance to lose?

D. Which starting QB in NYC has had the best year - not counting the QB at Columbia University…?

If there were an NFL award for "Most Improved Player", you'd have to give Alex Smith strong consideration this year. In 2005, he threw 1 TD pass and 11 INTs; his QB Rating was 40.8; he had to be the worst starting QB in the league. This year he is completing almost 62% of his passes; he has 10 TDs against 7 INTs; his QB Rating is 82.7 after eleven games. For perspective, Alex Smith's QB Rating is better than Michael Vick, Eli Manning and Brett Favre at this point in the 2006 season. Even if you think he's still a "bust" as an overall #1 pick, you have to say that he's improved year-over-year.

NFLN's Thanksgiving Night telecast of the Broncos/Chiefs got a TV rating equivalent to a 2.3 on a national basis because it isn't available to lots of homes. I'm trying to ascertain if there was a significant "shortfall" in action on this game at the Las Vegas sportsbooks, but I haven't been successful on that front yet. But before you swallow the NFL line that all went according to their master plan, consider this: The National Dog Show on the same day went up against the Detroit Lions/Miami Dolphins game and had twice as many viewers as the NFLN game did that evening.

Remember folks, NFLN is evil; it is the pre-cursor to pay-per-view for all NFL games. Do not succumb to this.

Finally, a note from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald:

"Credit to NASCAR, by the way, for trying to distance itself from its redneck roots, although some of that remains. Outside the track last week I saw one heavily tattooed race fan on top of a Winnebago waving a Confederate flag, swigging a can of Busch and urinating over the side all at the same time. I called out, but I don't think she heard me."

But don't get me wrong, I love sports...

<< Back to the Recent Rants Index

= Home = Recent = Topical = Wagers =
= Archives = Pros = Scores = Contact =